We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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