# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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