you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
