Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
