Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
