If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
