Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
