I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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