$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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