Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Floor bacon is actually really good
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
