i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
