i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
