Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
