That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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