she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
