the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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