Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
