Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
soo... how was my night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
