I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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