Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize