ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
