i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
