So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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