he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
