I think im going to throw up on grandma
i love accidental penises.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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