I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
