I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
