11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
