Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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