I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
