My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
