Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
