No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
