Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
