Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
