ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
