Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
