My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will pee on everything he values.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
