My boss' voice literally gives me gas
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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