too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
