Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize