Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
