This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize