I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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