We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize