But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
