the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
