Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
