I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
