there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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