i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
