I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize