I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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