I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
