it wasn't lemon gatorade
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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