There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
