Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Even my vagina gasped.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize