he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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