WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
