maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
