so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
