Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
