i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
