Sorry, I don't speak sober.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
