Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
