If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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