You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What a dumb baby whore.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize