He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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