____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize