we're chasing vodka with high fives
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
