I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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