We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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