I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
