Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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