The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
