I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
