The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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