I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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