And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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