Your face is a jimmy john
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
