I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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