I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
