You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
