Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
