First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize