why didn't you poke me back
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
