dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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