I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
