the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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