Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
