Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
