Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
