my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
