I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
