So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my poor anus
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
