Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
