I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
