he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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