My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i came on her dog
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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