We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
