i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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