When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
