I feel like I'm in dance class right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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