I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
